Comparison of AI for Essays - A Non-scientific Approach
“People are expecting a wave. What’s going to hit us is a tsunami.”
ChatGPt
Bard
GitHub Copilot
Cohere Generate
Claude
Synthesia
DALL-E 2
ChatSonic
ChatGPt Bard GitHub Copilot Cohere Generate Claude Synthesia DALL-E 2 ChatSonic
ChatGPT. GPT-4 is the latest version of this generative AI platform.
Bard from Google
In September of 1990 I stepped on the University of Wisconsin-Madison campus as a first-year student interested in studying mechanical engineering. I remember when my parents helped me move into my dorm room (now commonly called Residence Halls by Housing staff) in Ogg Hall. Ogg Hall had two towers and four elevators. Two of the elevators only went to odd numbered floors - and I lived on the tenth floor. Ugh.
Ogg Hall (picture from Wisconsin Historical Society, https://www.wisconsinhistory.org/Records/Property/HI108322)
As an engineering student we had all kinds of computer labs and specialty computer systems and software available to us. I remember sitting down and having a peer introduce me to the “web” and show me how to use “Gopher”, an early communication protocol that allowed us to search the miniscule internet at that time.
I also noticed that many of my peers were using a type of calculator that I had never seen before - a graphing calculator. Texas Instruments and Hewlett Packard dominated the graphing calculator market and I remember receiving my HP48 for Christmas. It was a huge day for this young, developing engineer!
HP48 model of graphing calculator from the 1990s. (Picture from Wikipedia)
The use and embrace of technology has never stopped and only continues to accelerate and grow. Today, the discussion has moved on from graphing calculators (some of my professors outlawed them for exams) and is dominated by AI, including its development and use in society. Although many people think of ChatGPT, this is but one version of a generative AI system. Many more are available and others are being developed all the time.
In today’s post, I want to highlight some experimentation I did with three different LLM (large language model) generative AI systems - GPT-3.5, GPT-4, and Google’s Bard.
Essay Revision Ideas from AI
I decided to test these three AI platforms using a common essay prompt. What I’m doing here is to show the capabilities and limitations of the systems and get you thinking about the world of AI. Nothing I’m about to do hasn’t already been done by others so I wouldn’t call this cutting-edge, but I do enjoy exploring the systems and learning about how they work.
What I decided to do was find an essay that was already created and used to win a significant scholarship. This tells me that the essay brings some level of competency and obviously others found it to be well written and compelling. To do this I visited “The College Essay Guy” website and searched for scholarship-winning essays. I ended up using one from this page.
The prompt is “Explain something that made a big impact in your life.” and the scholarship-winning essay is as follows…
“If you can’t live off of it, it is useless.” My parents were talking about ice skating: my passion. I started skating as a ten-year-old in Spain, admiring how difficulty and grace intertwine to create beautiful programs, but no one imagined I would still be on the ice seven years and one country later. Even more unimaginable was the thought that ice skating might become one of the most useful parts of my life.
I was born in Mexico to two Spanish speakers; thus, Spanish was my first language. We then moved to Spain when I was six, before finally arriving in California around my thirteenth birthday. Each change introduced countless challenges, but the hardest part of moving to America, for me, was learning English. Laminated index cards, color-coded and full of vocabulary, became part of my daily life. As someone who loves to engage in a conversation, it was very hard to feel as if my tongue was cut off. Only at the ice rink could I be myself; the feeling of the cold rink breeze embracing me, the ripping sound of blades touching the ice, even the occasional ice burning my skin as I fell—these were my few constants. I did not need to worry about mispronouncing “axel” as “aksal.” Rather, I just needed to glide and deliver the jump.
From its good-natured bruise-counting competitions to its culture of hard work and perseverance, ice skating provided the nurturing environment that made my other challenges worthwhile. Knowing that each moment on the ice represented a financial sacrifice for my family, I cherished every second I got. Often this meant waking up every morning at 4 a.m. to practice what I had learned in my few precious minutes of coaching. It meant assisting in group lessons to earn extra skating time and taking my conditioning off-ice by joining my high school varsity running teams. Even as I began to make friends and lose my fear of speaking, the rink was my sanctuary. Eventually, however, the only way to keep improving was to pay for more coaching, which my family could not afford. And so I started tutoring Spanish.
Now, the biggest passion of my life is supported by my most natural ability. I have had over thirty Spanish students, ranging in age from three to forty and spanning many ethnic backgrounds. I currently work with fifteen students each week, each with different needs and ways of learning. Drawing on my own experiences as both a second language-learner and a figure skater, I assign personal, interactive exercises, make jokes to keep my students’ mindset positive, and never give away right answers. When I first started learning my axel jump, my coach told me I would have to fall at least 500 times (about a year of falls!) in order to land it. Likewise, I have my students embrace every detail of a mistake until they can begin to recognize new errors when they see them. I encourage them to expand their horizons and take pride in preparing them for new interactions and opportunities.
Although I agree that I will never live off of ice skating, the education and skills I have gained from it have opened countless doors. Ice skating has given me the resilience, work ethic, and inspiration to develop as a teacher and an English speaker. It has improved my academic performance by teaching me rhythm, health, and routine. It also reminds me that a passion does not have to produce money in order for it to hold immense value. Ceramics, for instance, challenges me to experiment with the messy and unexpected. While painting reminds me to be adventurous and patient with my forms of self-expression. I don’t know yet what I will live off of from day to day as I mature; however, the skills my passions have provided me are life-long and irreplaceable.
GPT-3.5 Feedback
I started with GPT-3.5, OpenAI’s free version of ChatGPT. This was a simple ask and received the following response from GPT-3.5…
Such an enthusiastic and helpful response, right?
I then told it that I had the prompt and it responded with…
I then told 3.5 that I had an essay and it told me that it would be happy to review it, provide feedback, and suggestions for improvement. After I entered in the same essay as above, 3.5 came back to me with the following…
I then asked 3.5 if it could use the tips it provided and rewrite the essay for me? It responded with…
And the 3.5 rewritten version of the essay is as follows…
"If you can’t live off of it, it is useless," my parents declared, discussing ice skating—the passion that has come to define my life. My journey on the ice began at the age of ten in Spain, where I was captivated by the way difficulty and grace intertwined to create exquisite performances. Little did I know, seven years and one country later, that this seemingly frivolous pursuit would evolve into one of the most valuable aspects of my life.
I was born in Mexico to Spanish-speaking parents, and our family moved to Spain when I was six. Then, around my thirteenth birthday, we made the significant leap to California. Each transition presented its unique set of challenges, but the most daunting of all was mastering the English language. Laminated index cards, meticulously color-coded and brimming with new vocabulary, became a fixture in my daily life. For someone who thrives on engaging in conversations, the inability to express myself was deeply frustrating. Yet, amid the linguistic turmoil, the ice rink became my sanctuary—a place where I could be authentically myself.
The sensation of the frigid rink air embracing me, the sound of blades gracefully slicing the ice, and even the occasional sting of ice against my skin after a fall became my constants. Unlike the challenges of articulating "axel" correctly, on the ice, I needed only to glide and execute my jumps flawlessly.
Beyond its allure, ice skating provided the nurturing environment that rendered my other struggles meaningful. Each moment on the ice represented a financial sacrifice for my family, so I cherished every second. This often meant waking up at 4 a.m. to practice what I had learned in my few precious minutes of coaching, and it also involved assisting in group lessons to earn extra ice time and joining my high school's varsity running teams for off-ice conditioning. Even as I began to make friends and conquer my language barriers, the rink remained my sanctuary.
As time passed, the only way to continue improving was to secure additional coaching, which my family could not afford. This is when I turned to tutoring Spanish.
Now, my greatest passion aligns harmoniously with my most innate talent. I have had the privilege of teaching over thirty students, ranging in age from three to forty, hailing from diverse ethnic backgrounds. Currently, I work with fifteen students each week, each with unique needs and learning styles. Drawing from my experiences as both a second language-learner and a figure skater, I design personalized, interactive exercises, employ humor to maintain a positive mindset, and refrain from offering easy answers. My coach once told me that landing my axel jump would require at least 500 falls—a year's worth of mistakes. Likewise, I encourage my students to embrace every detail of a mistake until they can identify new errors themselves. I empower them to broaden their horizons and take pride in preparing them for new interactions and opportunities.
While it's true that I may never sustain myself solely through ice skating, the education and skills I've gleaned from it have flung open countless doors. Ice skating has fortified my resilience, instilled an unwavering work ethic, and fueled my inspiration to evolve as both a teacher and an English speaker. It has enriched my academic journey by teaching me the value of rhythm, health, and routine. Moreover, it serves as a testament that a passion need not generate monetary wealth to hold immense worth. Ceramics challenges me to experiment with the unpredictable, while painting beckons me to be audacious and patient in my self-expression. I cannot yet predict my daily means of sustenance as I mature, but the skills and values my passions have bestowed upon me are lifelong and irreplaceable.
Bard Feedback
I then switched over to Google’s Bard and used a similar approach. I started with the following…
Bard responded with…
I then asked “Can I provide you with my draft so you can help me rewrite and make it better?” Bard’s response was…
I proceeded to then copy/paste the original essay into Bard and requested assistance with rewriting it. Bard’s response was…
Hmmm. Well, that’s much different from GPT-3.5 isn’t it? So I asked Bard if it could help me or not. It responded with the following which I find really interesting…
Look at that! Bard is actually recommending an actual human teacher or tutor! I wonder how long it will be before this kind of response is no longer generated and Bard WILL rewrite an essay?
But I kept after it. I entered the essay prompt and asked Bard for help with an essay. It then came back with the following…
I then posted just the opening paragraph of the original essay and asked for assistance with rewriting it. Bard was undeterred and resonded with…
GPT-4 Feedback
GPT-4 is the latest version of ChatGPT and costs $20/month and in the spirit of research I went for it. I hope you appreciate everything I’m willing to do for the greater good ;-)
I asked GPT-4 “Can you help me with writing a scholarship essay?” GPT-4 was more than happy to help and responded with…
After I told GPT-4 about the actual essay prompt, it came back with…
It then continued by giving a general outline as follows…
I then informed GPT-4 that I already had a draft essay and asked if it would review it and offer ideas to improve it? 4 was again enthusiastic to help and offered…
I proceed to copy/paste the original essay into GPT-4 and it’s response surprised me a bit.
I then was specific and asked GPT-4 if it could rewrite it and improve it? The system was once again enthusiastic and responded with “Certainly! I've taken your original essay and incorporated the feedback I provided earlier. Here's a refined version of your essay:”
“If you can’t live off of it, it is useless.” That's what my parents thought of my passion for ice skating. Little did they know that the rink would become both my haven and classroom. I began my journey with skating as a ten-year-old in Spain, captivated by the fusion of difficulty and grace. Few could have predicted that I'd remain dedicated to this craft seven years and one country later, or that ice skating would become a crucial anchor in my life.
Born in Mexico to Spanish-speaking parents, I first called Spanish my own. Our journey took us to Spain and eventually to California when I was thirteen. With each move, I faced numerous challenges, but the most daunting was mastering English. Laminated, color-coded index cards became daily companions, but speaking still felt like navigating a minefield. Off the ice, I often felt trapped, my tongue unable to articulate my thoughts. On the rink, however, I found solace. The chill of the breeze, the crisp sound of blades on ice, and even the sting of an occasional fall offered comfort. Here, I didn't fear mispronouncing “axel”; I just focused on mastering the move.
Ice skating became more than a hobby; it was the sanctuary I needed. Every moment on the ice was a testament to my family's sacrifices. It propelled me to rise at 4 a.m., push my physical limits, and seek ways to continue my training despite financial constraints. It led me to tutoring Spanish.
Embracing my linguistic roots, I began teaching Spanish, drawing from my experiences as both a second language-learner and a figure skater. Over thirty students from diverse backgrounds have enriched my life, and I've tailored my approach for each of them. Just as my coach once told me that mastering the axel jump meant embracing hundreds of falls, I teach my students to learn from every mistake, refining their skills with each attempt.
Though I won't build a career on ice skating, the lessons and skills I've acquired from it are invaluable. Skating has instilled in me resilience, discipline, and a perspective that extends far beyond academics. It's taught me that true value doesn't always align with monetary gain. Just as ceramics challenges my creativity and painting my patience, my passions enrich my life in ways that can't be quantified.
The essence of passion is not in its monetary value but in its capacity to shape our souls and direct our paths. While the future remains an open book, the skills and insights I've gained from my passions are timeless treasures, proving that real worth is found not in what we earn, but in who we become.
This refined essay retains the essence of your original while adding clarity and depth in certain areas. Remember, this is just one approach, and the most important thing is that the essay resonates with your personal experiences and beliefs.
What do you think about the assistance and capability that these systems were able to provide? What other types of prompts would you consider?
I will note that 4.0 was slower than 3.5 but the results are still very quick. The way it responds is almost as though 3.5 is instantaneous whereas 4.0 felt like it was actually thinking. But maybe I’m just anthropomorphizing this system, which in itself is an interesting thing to consider.
Consider the implications of this experiment. Notice that I did not simply ask the AI systems to write an essay for me. We started with a high quality, original essay and simply asked the systems to provide feedback. Do you think they improved on it?
I hope you found this information interesting and something to think about. Whether it’s for a scholarship essay or our work, AI (and machine learning) of all kinds is going to have an impact, and sometimes a profound impact and influence on how we do things. Education is going to be greatly impacted and this begins from the moment we even think about HOW to apply to college. Families and students have hired human tutors for decades to help them with every aspect of college admissions. And I'm not focusing on fraudulent and immoral activity like what happened in the Varsity Blues scandal.
What do you think? Is AI going to help democratize various activities and level the playing field for millions of students in the US and around the world? Or is it going to be too much and go too far?
I’d love to hear your thoughts so please comment below.
I empower college-curious and college-bound students and families with the knowledge, tools, and confidence for college success. I will guide you through the complexities of college admissions and beyond, so you can create your boundless life.
Have a question or comment? Please leave it in the comment section below or contact me at mark@mastalskicoaching.com.
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