My Message to Graduating High School Seniors (and everyone else)
“You already have everything you need inside of you right now, today.”
It’s graduation season! This is a busy time for schools, students, and families as graduation ceremonies take place all around the country. During my fifteen years at Fort Lewis College, my team and I assisted in coordinating two commencement ceremonies each year. Doing the math in my head, this means I’ve been been a part of celebrating about 15,000 graduates, cheering them on as they cross the stage with huge smiles on their faces. At each ceremony, about 3,000 families, friends, and supporters traveled perhaps thousands of miles to witness and celebrate this student’s milestone event. It’s wonderful to be a small part of one of the happiest days for these graduates - new alumni - and their families. I’ve taken pictures of new graduates surrounded by up to three dozen family members.
Undoubtedly, it’s a day that matters to more than just the graduates.
That’s why I was honored to serve as the keynote speaker for the 2023 Native American graduation ceremony for Durango 9-R school district. Fourteen high school seniors from two different high schools attended and were surrounded by family, friends, teachers, and other supporters. There were probably 200 people in a packed ballroom to witness and celebrate these students as they look to close out their high school career and move on to their next steps in creating their future success.
In today’s blog post, I will share some of the takeaways I shared to the graduates and their familes. I won’t promise that the message will be viewed as inspirational as Steve Jobs’ commencement address at Stanford, but I hope you and/or your student will find some helpful nuggets of advice.
#1 - Celebrate
I know this may seem like a “duh” idea but really, this is a time to celebrate not only for the student but the family and supporters. No student gets to this point on their own. They’ve had champions along the way. This could be a teacher, a counselor, a friend, a sibling, a parent. This is a milestone event that everyone has a had a hand in. Students - thank those people for helping you get to this point.
There’s a good chance they will also be the people to help you reach your next milestone, whatever it is.
#2 - 168
We have “168” in our lives.
Every. Single. One. Of. Us.
What is it? I’m not going to tell you yet but write this number down. Keep it handy. Say it out loud. Burn it into your brain because I believe it is one of the most important numbers you have in your life. No, it’s not your GPA or credit score. It’s more important than either of those. I’ll tell you more about this later.
#3 - Keys to Your Success
Research shows that successful people have tied together three important things.
Be connected to the things/ideas you care about
How often have you really thought about the things you care about? High school, and life in general, can often just keep us focused on getting through the day. But have you stepped back and taken the time to consider your passions and interests? If you tracked how you used your time last month, would you find that you’ve spent time on the things that you really care about and connect with? Like they say, if you show me how a person spends their time, I’ll tell you what they truly care about.
Use your natural talents and strengths
You have natural gifts. And I don’t mean “I’m good at math” or “I’m pretty athletic”. I mean innate qualities that allow you to be succesful that you probably use all the time. Are you empathetic and find that friends look to you for advice and help? Perhaps that means you are a great listener and connect with people on a deep level. Or maybe you really deal well with changes and don’t require a lot of structure in your life? This means you may be highly adaptable and use this as a strength in your academics and in your job. These are the kinds of talents and strengths I’m talking about. These are great things you can use for college admissions essays, scholarships essays, and resumes. Get good at talking about your strengths. This is more important than talking about what you do. Strengths are about understanding how you can succeed in any experience. Even if someone has a similiar experience to you, no one has the talents and strengths you bring. It’s what makes you important and unique.
Engage with others’ interests and contributions
No one is successful on their own. Even a solopreneur like myself requires engaging with others. For example, I try to talk to at least one person every week who works in the college consulting world. I’ve learned so much from others who have done this work for decades and those who are relatively new to college consulting. We share common interests and passions around helping students and families in a direct way. Engaging with others can also look like conducting informational interviews to learn more about possible careers and educational pathways. Sometimes I hear from introverts that they aren’t good at this. This doesn’t mean that you have to attend large social events that stress you out. Are you into D&D? Great! Attend a D&D event, or host your own, and use that as a way to connect with one other person. In the end, the quality of your relationships is the most important thing.
#4 - Be a teacher… and a learner
I don’t care how old you are or where you are in life, you have something to teach someone else. Educators know that being a great teacher usually starts from being a great learner. Or maybe it’s the other way around? It doesn’t really matter. Everytime you walk into a room, don’t just go in with the idea that the instructor is there to teach you something. You have something to share and something that every other person in the room can learn about. Engage in your learning by being a teacher yourself. We all have things to learn… and teach.
#5 - Create systems to address common pitfalls after high school
Be proactive and understand that life after high school can bring new challenges - and opportunities. Check out the list below and see how you can create systems of support for each one. This is no guarantee that you’ll encounter them, but it’s good to know that these are common. These are challenges that may pop up anywhere in life, not just immediately after high school.
Academic challenges
It’s common for college academic to be more rigorous and demanding than high school. You should plan to spend much more time doing homework. I experienced a 1.5 point decrease in my GPA going from high school to my first year of college (3.8 to a 2.3 GPA after my first year.) See below - it’s true! How will you handle academic challenges you may encounter?
Actual information from my UW-Madison transcript
Financial situations
Do you understand your overall financial situation? Do you have a budget and a way to track your income and spending? How many hours a week can you work given how much time you will spend doing homework and other things you want to do?
Transitioning to a new environment
Are you moving a great distance away from home, family, and friends? Will you be living with a roommate for the very first time? Are you naturally gifted at making friends or does it take you more time and effort? Do you come from a community or culture that has different values, beliefs, or celebrations? For example, some Native American communities look forward to the Bear Dance that takes place around Memorial Day. How will you handle a situation where no one around you knows what the Bear Dance is or its significance to you?
Mental health
Regardless of whether you have a mental health diagnosis, big life transitions can be taxing on anyone. How will you handle stress, anxiety, depression, or even managing medication?
Time management
There’s only so much time in a day. How will you manage all the priorities and wants you have every single day? This includes academics (class and homework), work, socializing with others, exercising, eating, and hopefully just having some down time. Do you know how you already spend your time? Track it for a week and I think you may be surprised.
Adjusting to independence
This life is yours. You get to create what you want through the choices you make. Regardless of where you are and what you are doing, you’ve played a major role in the outcome. “I’m in charge of my life’s journey.” Embrace it and take control. You have one life to live. Look to others to help and support you, but don’t look to others to tell you what to do and how to do it. It won’t always be perfect. You’re here and you can do this.
#6 - Who are your champions?
Take some time right now. Pull out some paper and a pen, or do this on your phone/computer. Who are the three people in your life who will be most helpful in co-creating your successful future? Identify them and then think to yourself, “Do these people know how influential they have been to me?” If the answer is no or if you’re unsure, take time now to let them know.
Also, know that more influential people are going to come into your life. These could be professors, coaches, other students, or staff members at your school. Some of the most helpful and influential people in my college career didn’t teach a class. Certainly professors can be important to you, but don’t look past the other people you engage with outside the classroom including housing staff, career services, student activities, and more!
#7 - Create the Habit of Asking Questions
Self-advocacy is an incredibly important skill. Yes, it’s a skill and it comes from knowing the right kinds of questions to ask. During my time in higher education I came across too many students who didn’t know how to effectively advocate for themselves. Start with these questions and take control of your situation.
Is there anything I haven’t asked you about with regards to my situation that I should know about?
What I heard you tell me is… Did I get that correct or perhaps leave anything out?
What accommodations or support systems are available for me?
What steps can I take to advocate for myself in this situation?
Can you provide an example of a success story of a person who has been in my particular situation?
What other questions have you used or can you come up with that will support your development and promote self-advocacy?
#8 - A New Way to Support (for parents/families)
#8 is directed at parents/families. It’s important to allow your student to grow - and that means they need to make decisions for themselves. How can you do that? Try out the following script and see how it goes.
“That sounds like a really important issue. I can tell you are concerned about it and maybe even stressed about it.
So what are your options?
What other information do you need to know in order to make a decision?
Where can you obtain this information?
I know you can do this. Please let me/us know how it turns out.”
The script above demonstrates trust in your student. Avoid the trap of fixing everything for them. This is a huge step in growth and independence. Will there be times when your student falls short? Of course. But that happens to all of us. It’s how we learn, grow, and become confident, productive adults.
“Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead end. Failure is something we can avoid only by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.”
#9 - Inform yourself about alternative pathways
Life after high school is not just about going to college. There are many different pathways and going to college right away may not be the right move for you. This is a highly personal decision. This doesn’t mean that college isn’t worth it. Actually, it’s quite the opposite. College is worth it for the person who chooses the right place and right time. And there are alternatives. For example, military service, entering a police academy, or attending a trade or technical program can be extremely valuable. Employers offer tuition programs where you can receive incredible college benefits while working even part-time. Explore entrepreneurship. And there are many credentials available these days that can start you down the path you are interested in. Check out the Care Forward Colorado Program for just one example.
#10 - Consider These Two Important Questions
“Who do I want to be?”
and
“Why is this important to me?”
Explore your answers to these questions early and often. Let the answers be guides to what you do and how you do it. Talk to others, including your parents, family, and friends, to see how they answer these questions. We should learn from each other - these questions are too important to not think about and share.
#11 - Return to “168”
No matter how much money you have, regardless of your career, and no matter where you live, we all share one thing in common.
We all have 168 hours in a week. That’s seven days with 24 hours. This means this number is the most important number in your life. You can’t buy time back. The importance of that time cannot be understated because it directly connects to our choices.
What you did with the last hour was a choice. What you did with the last 48 hours was a choice. What you’re doing right now is a choice.
Of course there are exceptions, but we shouldn’t live our lives according to exceptions. That’s why I’ll direct you back to #10 and consider “Who do I want to be?” and “Why is this important to me?". Answers to those questions will give you some clarity and direction.
One last thing about 168. If you really break it down you’ll find that 168 may not seem like a lot. That’s actually a good thing in my opinion. Scarcity provides clarity.
Choose to use your time, and life, wisely.
I empower college-curious and college-bound students and families with the knowledge, tools, and confidence for college success. Let me guide you through the complexities of college admissions and beyond, so you can create your boundless life.
Have a question or comment? Please leave it in the comment section below or contact me at mark@mastalskicoaching.com.
There’s no one way to do college.
Be Boundless.
